Hummus anyone?

So the other day I get this photo e-mailed to me. I glanced at the thumbnail photo in the e-mail, and I could see it was a nice, homey group shot of my friends who traveled with me to Taiwan and our beloved James, who organized our month-long trip flawlessly. Good times, nice photo.

But I couldn't find myself in the picture. I knew I was supposed to be there. I remembered standing there. So I clicked on it and opened it up nice and big on my computer screen.

And there I was, right in the front row. In all my chubby glory.

See, when I first glanced at it, I had unconsciously dismissed the short, portly chick in the front row as not me. But it was me.

Why didn't anybody tell me I was portly!?

I know what you're thinking. Something along the lines of, "Shut up Mandy."

But you don't understand.

That picture is the most unflattering picture I've ever seen. I look really wide, like I'm standing in front of a fun-house mirror, the kind that make you look short and stout and flattened. But there's no mirror my friends. The pixels don't lie.

I thought about posting the photo on here so you could see what I mean, but I just can't do it.

Instead, I'm ordering a print of it and putting it on my fridge so every time I go to get something to eat, I will see my wide-angle ass and be motivated to eat something tasteless and therefore healthy.

You think I'm kidding.

That picture has motivated me to lose weight like nothing else. It's good because now I have some willpower. It's lunch time, there are brownies in the breakroom, and I don't even see them. On the other hand, it's bad because now I'm obsessed. I turn down invitations for fun things in order to go to the gym. I rip crazy diet plans out of magazines and impulsively "call the number on my screen" to order $50 worth of Yoga Booty Ballet DVDs. I eat salads when I go out. I eat red peppers for dessert. My new favorite food is hummus.

I am eating hummus, people. Why? Because the magazine diet told me to.

On the bright side, hummus is pretty good. Plus, my lose-weight obsession has led me to some really easy recipes that are low fat and taste good too. And I'm actually cooking, which makes me seem civilized.

I used to subsist on boxed mac and cheese and frozen pizza. They were not low-fat and they tasted AWESOME. And there were no civilized cooking skills necessary. Mac and cheese and frozen pizza were my best friends. They're the enemy now.

They are venerable foes, but I will beat them. And I will beat them with hummus.